the would-be writers guild » Ryan

For Ryan, on our ninth anniversary…

Tiffany — Tue, 11 Apr 2006 03:12:00 +0000

I like you. I like how you know what I’m thinking. I like how you care about people. I like how you wash my car. I like how we like the same movies and restaurants and colors of paint. I like how you are smart but you don’t act like you know everything. I like how you take care of the yard. And the taxes. I like how you think the weekends are for play, not work. I like it when your face is scruffy. I like your legs. I like your eyes. I like your long hair. I like your smile and your teeth and your feet. You have great feet. I like how you get my jokes. I like your impersonation of your uncle, Stewart. I like how you talk to your grandma. I like how you’re not afraid of feelings–yours, mine, anybody’s. I like how you understand politics. I like how you play the piano with Christian. And basketball. I like how you tickle Max. I like it when I tell you about someone being an idiot, and you always think they are an idiot, too. I like how you never try to change me. I like it when you make pepperoni chilli, chicken soup, and cookies. I like how you never hesitated to be my friend. I like how you taught me to eat french fries two at a time. I like your hands. I like your voice. I like how you used to play the Olympic theme with the buttons on the phone for me. I like the ways you are like your dad. I like the ways you are like your mom. I like how you always leave the toilet seat down. I like spooning with you and how you always roll over at the right time. I like walking at night with you. I like trying to figure out life with you. I like living with you. I like seeing your face on my cell phone when you call. I like how you know what’s important and what’s not. I like your smell. I like your touch. I like riding next to you in the car. I like taking road trips with you, eating cheese and grapes. I like how you read O Magazine. I like how you remember to wind the grandfather clock. I like how sometimes when I fart you don’t even mention it.

It’s so nice to like the person you love. Happy Anniversary, Ryan. I like and love you more than words can say.

Interview with a psychology grad student

Tiffany — Mon, 13 Mar 2006 21:35:20 +0000

Ryan is sitting in the office with me, so I will interview him for your reading pleasure:

What is your favorite childhood memory?

Going to BYU football games with my dad. Christmas mornings.

What did you eat for lunch yesterday?

A smothered chicken soft taco with no cheese in or on it. And a diet Coke.

Your favorite thing about being a parent?

The release that they give you. They require a lot, but they release me of a lot of my daily worries. I like investing myself in something that I think is most important, giving them the best chance at happiness and health (mental and physical). I think it’s the most important thing we can do and it makes me happy.

Your greatest fear?

Dying

Your greatest hope?

Happiness and balance and peace for my family. Perspective.

Best day of your life?

I don’t have one that sticks out. I like normal days. I like the weekend when I’m home relaxing with my family. I don’t have to have something special.

Tell me a regret you have:

Not understanding “enjoy the moment” as quickly as I would have liked. My mom always said, “Enjoy the moment”. Also, anytime I am untrue to how I think I should treat other people. Other than those, I don’t really have regrets. As Jerry Sloan says, “You can’t play backwards, you have to play forwards.”

Best loved chore:

Yard work. Car washing.

Name three places you want to visit:

Europe, Boston, and I guess Hawaii. Anywhere I can relax and be with my family. Could be Randolph, Utah.

Who’s funnier, you or your wife?

Christian answered this one: “Put dad. He’s funnier. I haven’t heard you say something funny since June, five years ago.”

Three pet peeves:

Hypocrites, overly opinionated know-it-alls, black and white thinking

The thing you love best about your wife:

Like, physically? Just kidding. The thing I love best is her understanding of me, the daily happiness, ease-of-living-with, and the rare connection that I feel with her. Our communication.

Describe your ‘inner muppet’:

Val (Ryan’s brother) and I talk like muppets. The muppet voice says everything that you are thinking, but maybe shouldn’t say. Everyone should find their inner muppet. Mine is politically incorrect, irreverent, uninhibited, hilarious, and blue. I hope to someday produce emperical evidence on the subject.

Describe a perfect meal:

Weekend night, kids with a babysitter, at Trio. Probably just the two of us, but maybe good friends or family with us. And it would have to be just after I finished some big project, otherwise I would be worried about a big project.

Best part about being in college for 12 years:

I’m too philosophical with this type of thing………. In my type of school, I interact with people and hear about their problems and issues and help them learn about patterns that are destructive. In doing that, you also learn a lot about your own life in ways that I don’t think you could if you didn’t have those opportunities. And having a greater understanding of those issues is a key to finding happiness.

Worst part about being in college for 12 years:

Being in college for 12 years. All of the sacrifices everybody has to make to make it work. All the wear and tear and stress, which gives me a feeling that I have a chronic illness every six months. Being constantly evaluated is hard. Getting paid a tenth of what you’d be paid when you get out.

Describe yourself in one word:

Introspective?

Describe your life in one word:

I can’t. I need at least two words. One that means ‘really hard’ and one that means ‘really happy’.

What’s the best use of five minutes?

Talking with someone you love about something you care about.

Name three wastes of time:

It’s all relative. Trying to gain connection to other people at the sacrifice of yourself. It won’t make you happy if you sacrifice yourself. Worry and guilt and second-guessing decisions you’ve already made. Third waste of time is reading this interview.

Funniest word in the English language:

infarction

Where do you hope to be in 25 years?

Alive. Above the ground, not six feet under. I told you that death is my biggest fear.

You pop the popcorn, I’ll set the TiVo…

Tiffany — Fri, 03 Mar 2006 17:10:40 +0000

Ryan will be seen on KSL, Eyewitness News, channel 5 during the 6:30 p.m. newscast.

He’s not a real jerk, he just plays one on TV

Tiffany — Thu, 02 Mar 2006 22:58:15 +0000

As the result of an unlikely series of events, Ryan is about to make his local and national television debut in a “reinactment” of an argument of one of the married couples who participated in the research study he’s been working on for a few years. First, the story will air on KSL, then a similar story will air on (drum roll, please) none other than ABC’s Good Morning America!

He will be reinacting a filmed marital “argument task” with his classmate, Nancy. Ryan will play the role of the hostile husband, and Nancy will be starring as the controlling witch. They will demonstrate how these interactions do physical wear and tear on each other’s hearts. (Yes, you can literally break your spouse’s heart.) I’m sure they didn’t even consider having me reinact the argument with Ryan, because I wouldn’t know the first thing about being a controlling witch. (This is the part where you nod emphatically and promptly send me an email stating that you agree.)

I’m really glad they opted to film the “argument task” instead of the “Jell-O wrestling task”. Not only is a Jell-O stain difficult to remove from clothing, but I have a feeling Nancy would totally kick his butt.

I’ll post specific dates and times as they become available.

Glory, glory, hallelujah! The teacher hit me with a ruler!

Tiffany — Tue, 28 Feb 2006 02:57:08 +0000

This afternoon Ryan passed his Clinical Prelim Defense, which probably sounded like, “This afternoon Ryan passed his blahblahblah blahblah blah blah.” I know you probably don’t know what that means, so please refer to the explanations below.

Simple translation: A committee of three University demigods sharpened their steak knives this afternoon, listened to a poor graduate student plead for his life, asked him to dance like a monkey, chopped him into bite-size portions, chewed him up, spit him back out and then asked him to wait out in the hall while they discussed whether or not he deserves the honor of doing this a few more times with a dissertation, because it’s just so fun! Most students get asked to revise their monkey dance, but my man danced like a crazy ape AND HE PASSED!

Simpler translation: Monkey do good dance. Trainer like monkey dance!

Simplest translation: Very BIG deal!

Holy crap, it’s Wednesday!

Tiffany — Wed, 22 Feb 2006 05:15:18 +0000

In the same way that I can trick myself into getting up on time by setting my alarm clock at least 27 minutes fast, the three-day weekend screws up my reality base so much that I can almost be convinced that O.J. is still trying to find the “real killer”. I could have sworn on my life that Tuesday was Monday. It looked like Monday. It smelled like Monday. It had the same frumpy sunset as Monday. But, hey–wait a minute–now it’s Wednesday! How did you do that, Monday?

Every week is a mini marathon at our house, with a full-force shove into Monday and ending in a desperate crawl to Friday evening. Must……find…….antedote…… I don’t mean to complain about our life. Some people eat a variation of paste at every meal, and spend the bulk of their time trying not to be killed, raped or sold. I can definitely handle a little old-fashioned, middle-class, American stress. Especially when I am equipped with Swedish Fish.

On Tuesday (the fake Monday) Ryan found out he won a travel award for next school year, which entails a couple of all-inclusive trips to Psychology conferences in San Francisco and Boston. While Psychology conferences might not sound exciting to you, there are actually people who pay their own way in order to attend these mind-numbing presentations and mingle with others who are fascinated with multivariate statistics. Thank goodness I am not married to one of them! If he goes, it’s because someone else is footing the bill, and because everyone else will be so consumed with the interpersonal correlates of cardiovascular disease and marital satisfaction, they will never notice that he is at the outdoor market with his wife buying souvenir refrigerator magnets.

It’s these little rewards that make all of this tolerable. Days like today, you actually think somebody gives a crap about how hard you’re working to reach your goals. Ryan’s life is consumed with our future, and my life is consumed with our present. Almost everything he does is an investment in some faraway dividend, and almost everything I do is an effort to keep us afloat and in clean underwear. And almost every day we both wonder–Is it almost Friday, for crying out loud?

A Hallmark moment

Tiffany — Mon, 20 Feb 2006 05:34:37 +0000

Ryan was so excited about my birthday card, he had to give it to me on Friday night. The front of the card shows a picture of two little girls jumping gleefully on a bed.

The caption inside: “love ya like a sister”

Then, he wrote: Oh wait…that was weird. Anyway, I do love you, just not exactly like a sister. Happy Birthday, Ryan

(And some people thought we would never make it….)