1. When I’m watching TV and Lucy (my dog) is snuggled on my lap, I hold her close and nibble on her nails. It’s gross, I know, but I can’t stand to nibble my own nails and she seems to like it. Especially if it is during a scary show like The Bachelor.
2. When I use a public restroom, I can only use the third stall from the door. NO EXCEPTIONS. If there are only one or two stalls, I hold it. Once I’m in the stall—and before I begin taking care of business—I tap on either side of the stall wall and say in a low voice, “Get out while you can. They’re following me. If you knew what I know, you’d grab your purse and run. But don’t forget to wash your hands.” It usually works (except at Disneyland) and then I get the bathroom all to myself.
3. I make miniature dolls in the likeness of all my friends and family and keep them in my dresser drawer. When I get upset with someone in real life, I usually try to stay calm and shrug it off. And then I go home and burn their little look-alike on some tin foil in the garage. It makes me feel a lot better and usually nobody gets hurt.
4. Sometimes, just for fun, I sprinkle a little rat poison into my cookie dough. It doesn’t really cause any problems if you only have one or two cookies, and it’s a good reminder that cookies aren’t very good for you anyway.
5. If I wake up in the middle of the night and can’t get back to sleep, I put on my coat and a gorilla mask and take a walk outside to get some fresh air. While I’m walking, I take a minute to peek into each of my neighbors’ windows to see if they are sleeping soundly, because I really care about my neighbors and I feel better knowing that they are getting their recommended hours of sleep.
OK, that was fun! And strangely liberating! We all have our little quirks. I’ve shared mine, now it’s your turn!
{P.S. Did you really believe me? Awww, that is so sweet!}
can I change my vote?
Um…you’re scaring me.
So you’re the “Gorilla Lady” they’ve been talking about on the news!
By the end of the first one I was pretty sure this post was going to change the nature of my “stalking Tiffany” status.
By the end of the second one I was planning on coming out of my comfort zone and suggest you see a really good therapist (I hear you have an “in” in that department).
By the end of the third one I was praying for a “this is a joke” disclaimer.
By the end of the fourth I was a wee bit embarrassed for taking them so seriously.
By the end of the fifth I was just laughing to the point of tears.
Nicely done!
Laugh out loud funny but I really enjoyed the picture the most – thanks for brightening my day!
I heart you. That was hilarious!
Note to self: Send naked neighbors gorilla masks.
Are you by chance realted to two little muppets? I can so see you discussing your evil plans with them in an “evil” muppet voice! Too cute!
I’m not sure why, but I don’t actually feel better about myself. Huh. I thought I would after hearing your craziness.
You ARE funny!!
girl, i love you.
Do you also have a chimp that lives with you named Travis?
c’mon admit it…there is a we bit of truth here. espesh the gorilla mask one. Does Ryan go too?!
Oh my. I totally fell for the puppy nail chewing. And I threw up. Thrice. But I’m ok now.
Oh my gosh! You put rat poison into your cookies, too?! I like that we’re thinking on the same wavelength…
Have a GREAT weekend, fellow weirdo.
Thank you for distracting me from my relief society lesson for 1 minute. It felt so good!
i double heart you. not only is the picture awesome, but your ‘quirks’ are awesome too. except the dog one. that one was more gross than anything.
(somewhat) creepy story: when i was in my second year of university, a friend of mine and i were obsessed with The Sims 2. she made sims for all of her friends, and our sim alter egos always had a great time in sim world.
… until we did something to piss her off, at which point she’d get angry at us mid-argument and say (with a totally straight face, i might add) “i’m going to KILL your sim!”
at which point she’d go and find a way to make that sim-friend die a horrible death – her favourites were death by fire or drowning. once they were dead, she felt better. and they wouldn’t get resurrected until the argument was over.
it was a kind of vicious cycle. i’m not really friends with her anymore – and i’ve no doubt that my sim is still dead.
I would actually LOVE to try that gorilla mask one. Provided I had on a bullet-proof vest, that is. I wouldn’t want my neighbors to shoot me over a joke.
Who do you want to be chosen on the bachelor??
That sim story is a bit creepy.
On a totally unrelated note, I too have a pair of red shoes that I’m having a really hard time letting go.
Every time I think I can’t love you any more than I already do – you pull something like this out of your hat.
You just made my whole crappy day 100% better. Thanks for that.