I thought the absolute best part of the Oscars last night was the new-and-improved way of introducing each of the acting nominees—with a thoughtful, sincere compliment. Not because I care about the acting nominees or getting their beautiful heads any bigger than they are (OK, so I do a little bit; I can’t help it), but because I think that giving and receiving compliments is a powerful way of connecting with other people. A compliment is another way of saying, “I’m paying attention. I see you.”
And while some people are better at it than others, a bumbling fool can still give an amazing compliment as long as it’s sincere. Here’s one of my favorite examples of this:
See? Bumbling Fool + Sincere Compliment = Much More Likable Fool.
That’s just the beginning, of course. Compliments have a way of changing the giver and receiver. By the end of the movie, he gets even better. Good golly, check out this knock-it-out-of-the-park compliment:
One of the best compliments I ever received came from my mom one day a few years back when I found myself having an increasingly frustrating situation at work. One day, when everything seemed hopeless and I feared that I would no longer have my job because I was either going to quit or get fired (and this was especially frightening because I was the breadwinner), I left work at the end of the day and drove to my parents’ house to pick up my kids. I unloaded all my stress and frustration on my parents minutes within walking through their door into the kitchen, bawling like a little child—their little child—in all of my despair. We talked for a long time; they listened intently. They gave me advice. Before I left, my mom gave me a big hug and said, “You’re a clever girl. You’ll figure it all out.”
It was an unexpected compliment that lit a fire within me. I remember contemplating that word—clever. I liked it. And the more I thought about it, the more I thought she was right. I rode that compliment all the way through the situation and everything worked out for the better.
I still like to think of myself as the clever girl who can figure it all out.
So now I have a question for you: what’s the best compliment you ever received? Or gave? Don’t be shy, I want to hear!
I loved that part of the Oscars too. And I’ve been too many compliments to remember?
I like the point you made about compliments, but watching Helen Hunt kiss Jack was WAY to GROSS for me.
an ex-boyfriend of mine went with the “i like you just the way you are” compliment, which i loved. but then he turned out to be a total liar, so that kind of ruined it for me. =/
you left a very nice compliment on my last post. thank you for that!
So I was at a little bakery in Atlanta and I was getting some take-out while the youth were at Wendy’s. A girl who was working there came up to me and said I reminded her of a celebrity. She wandered around asking co-workers about a movie this person was in. I got my meal and was walking across the parking lot and this girl yells out of the restaurant, “Michelle Pfeiffer, that’s who you look like.” I REALLY appreciated that one even though I look NOTHING like her.
Sam was walking down the stairs the other day and says, “You are a great stay-at-home-mom.” I’ll take that one any day.
This is not necessarily the greatest compliment I have ever received but a nice one nevertheless. A couple of weeks ago I took dinner into a family and the husband called me later that night to ask if I would share the recipe. I thought it was pretty cool that the husband called. I can see a wife calling but not a husband. That made me feel pretty good.
Tiffany~ You need to share with us your best compliment.
Angela, you’re right! I just went back and added my best compliment into the post. That was fun to think about!
This will be funny. Not funny haha but funny like, wow that IS funny.
The compliment that meant the most to me is when my dad told me I was “a very clever individual”. When I am most frustrated I can hear my dad say this all the way from the spirit world.
dang. now I am all crying.
and for the record, and through tear- filled eyes, let me tell you.
You ARE a clever girl. Creative, beautiful & kind, too.
The funniest compliment I received lately, was from the 3 toothed man at the Bajio Restaurant. He told his co worker I was beautiful! Sad to think that it totally made my day! (It had been a really rough one!)
argh, I cannot think of a single compliment. What is wrong with me? I love the unexpected ones but I am generally awkward about receiving them and I am ashamed to say I am bad at giving them. Shoot. In my defense I have a cold and just finished sitting through an 8 hour hearing. Now I need to go and think about my best compliment.
I am drawing a total blank here. Could you give me a couple of Extra Strength Pamprin, I might be able to think of something positive.
The best compliment I can think of is when you see one of your kids doing something good and you can see just a little bit of yourself coming through them because of how you have raised them. The joy wells up and the tears flow. Dad
I can’t think of anything specific, but my 5 year old son is great at making me feel special. He was taking my picture the other day and was so cute about what he thought the “perfect” shot was. (not at all what I thought looked good) Just seeing the admiration in his eyes is enough to make me keep trying to be a good mom (especially on those really tough days)
i had the ultra-trendy neighbor guy from the grant street apartments tell me i looked “rather stylish” one morning when we both walked out for church at the same time. i am not quite sure what he meant by it or even if it was a real compliment. but i still laugh about it.
That’s a good story about your mom. She was right, you are clever.
When I was working at FranklinCovey, I had a coworker who was a very good friend, and too often had to hear me blubber about things. One day, I don’t remember what we were talking about, but he said something about me being a quiet person, maybe a little shy but and hard to get to know, but “the people who do know you love you for who you are.” I’ve never forgotten that.
Val had the “funniest ever” compliment given to him. He was at the check out. The clerk kept staring at him, and finally said “You have the most incredible eyes!” Val started laughing, and she continued “I’m serious! And I’m not hitting on you or anything. I’m a lesbian.”
I really enjoyed reading this. I couldn’t think of any to write off the top of my head. But it’s going to make me more mindful of compliments, especially the compliments I give. They are very powerful & sure can make a difference.
My little brother once told me how much he admires my enthusiasm for life. I had never consciously formed that thought about myself before, “I am enthusiastic about life.” But when he said that, it really connected to what’s inside me and I’ve remembered that ever since.
I just spent the last…I don’t know, half hour? 45 minutes? reading all of your blog posts on this page. You are my new favorite blogger. Bloggist? Whatever. Anyway, I’m so excited I clicked over to read your blog. You say you are a would-be writer. I think you are an excellent writer. If you have been blogging for three years, and I have only been blogging for one, and I feel like I am mediocre at best, I hope to be as good as you in two more years!
Please don’t think I’m a crazy stalker. I just know I like to hear it when someone geniunely likes my blog, so I wanted to let you know that I genuinely like yours!