Forged letter from my mother

September 16th, 2008

Dear friends, family, and acquaintances of Tiffany,

Please excuse Tiffany’s neglect of your friendship. It is not because she doesn’t care, she just stinks at returning phone calls. And initiating phone calls.

She has also failed to reply to several e-mails, not because she doesn’t love you, but because her life has been consumed in the vortex of Trying To Set Up A Household. She has been the victim of several incompetent and evil service companies who prey on the innocent and unsuspecting. She was also held hostage briefly by an army of boxes filled with stuff that should have been thrown away years ago.

Please forgive her and know that as soon as the damn cable company gets out of her hair and life forever, she will be free once again to nurture the friendship with you that she so deeply values.

Thank you for your patience,
Linda

16 Responses to “Forged letter from my mother”

  1. Kami says:

    Such a nice mom you have. ;)

  2. Becky says:

    I like that she swears.

  3. Soul Fusion says:

    I’ve missed you, but given my ridiculous hiatus this summer I guess I should forgive. . . good luck with the cable people. I know luck is the only thing that works with them.

  4. Jesse says:

    I’ve never known mom to use the “d” word…
    much. She’s more of an “h” word type.

  5. keek says:

    No worries Tiff, we understand. Thanks for the laugh!

  6. ANNIE says:

    atleast you have a really good excuse for not returning calls. i just don’t. no excuse. you are just helping people achieve a greater amount of patience. you are such a good person!

  7. Linda Crowley says:

    Hey, Tiff,
    It’s OK to forge my name on your writing -actually, feel free to do that, since you are one of my favorite writers. But let’s get something straight: It’s just damn wrong to swear in another person’s name!

  8. Rosie says:

    It’s hereditary, Tiff. I have the very same phone issues.

    And Jesse, where’ve you been?? The d and the h words are Mom’s curse words of choice. Although, she mostly uses them to be funny, and she has made great strides in reducing their usage altogether.

  9. mindi says:

    i don’t think i feel comforatable reading a blog that has profanity.

    i used to be so good at phone talking growing up, even ’til about 5 years ago. then one day i decided i didn’t like doing it anymore. so now i suck at calling and returning calls as well.

    let’s stick close. then people can be mad at us together.

  10. Judi says:

    I like that!

  11. Becky says:

    You’re funny…hang in there!

  12. shannon says:

    Glad to know I’m not the only one who doesn’t return calls or acknowledge emails – yes, I check my messages, of course I got it – I just didn’t think I needed to waste time saying “I got your message” (ridiculous!) Thanks for the laugh, and hopefully you can be rid of the “evil service companies” soon!

  13. Shannon Lowe says:

    LOL! I used to try to get my mom to make up excuses for me when I didn’t want to talk to people on the phone and she never would! Love that your “mom” wrote this for you! ;)

  14. Tiburon says:

    I wasn’t going to forgive you. Then you got your mom to write the note. Now I feel obligated. Well played Tiffany, well played.

  15. heidi b says:

    I am so glad to hear your mom uses the “d” and “h” word. I have NEVER heard my mom use the “h” or “d” word! Even when quoting scriptures, my mom refers to the “h” word as “the other place!” I then have to interpret to my confused children that Grandma is talking about “the h word”. Poor kids! You rock Linda!

  16. Misty says:

    I have a friend that I never call anymore because even though she does not live nearby, so I can’t talk with her often, she does not return my calls. And, when I do catch her, the conversations is usually filled with “uh-huhs” and “nopes.” Some people were just not meant to be on the phone!

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