I’ve always been one to enjoy some solitude. I don’t mind being alone. When I worked out of an office, away from my family for most of the day, I often spent my lunch hours alone. I’d go to a store, grab something to eat, or park my car somewhere and just enjoy the company of my own thoughts. And when I came home, I was all theirs.
Now I am never alone. Never. I am always with the kids, and I am always with work. Don’t get me wrong, working from home is great. It has un-complicated our lives in so many ways. My head still spins when I think about life before. But, with every good thing, there usually comes a little baggage. For me, I have lost my solitude.
I used to think that when I was office-working and venturing out by myself, I was simply making the most of the situation. I never knew I needed alone time for my mental health. But as I round the corner, heading into the year mark of home-office-working, I am realizing that I’ve got to be more proactive about taking time to be with me.
Last night I tucked the kids in bed, grabbed the iPod Shuffle that Ryan and I share, and asked Ryan to hang out on the porch while I walked around the block a few times. I wanted him to be able to verify my alive-ness with every lap. I’m a little overly-cautious that way. After all, I live in a very dangerous place—the suburbs. (I attribute this fear entirely to the unhealthy amount of Lifetime made-for-TV movies I watched during my first year of college.)
I put the headphones in and started on my way, and I’m not kidding when I tell you that what I experienced was blissful, peaceful, and completely therapeutic. I walked and walked and walked and walked. I even ran sporadically, which came as a shock to me because I’ve always reserved running for special occasions only. Like being chased by a mountain lion. I breathed in and out. I closed my eyes half the time, I was so intoxicated with my aloneness.
After exhausting the cooperation of my legs, and exhausting my finger from pushing the skip button over countless Bob Dylan songs (Honey, I love Dylan too, but there’s really an unfair ratio), I came home and sat on my cement steps. Ryan was inside talking on the phone and had left the door open. I waved at him (to let him know I was still alive) and laid back on the cool concrete. I kept the music blaring and stared at the stars and an airplane flying overhead.
Finally, I came back in. To my house. To my office. To my jobs, big and little. To my family. To my laptop. To a moth that flew in while the door was open. I was renewed and all it took was a little night air, some good tunes, and time with the only person who can make me sane: me.
(P.S. Ten thousand bonus points if you can name the commercial that inspired this title.)
I’m like you, I need alone time too. But, since James and I got married I think I have had too much alone time. James has always been so busy with school that I spend a lot of time alone (which is ok, but it gets old). I’m pretty sure once we have kids, I will look back and wish I had more alone time like I have now. Life is funny like that isn’t it?
me too, tiff. probably universal, but not everyone recognizes the need, fewer meet it.
Oh, how I understand! When James is working such long hours, I NEED my kids to go to bed without a fuss at 7:30, simply to maintain my sanity. Therefore, you can understand why, at 9:45 last night — after two hours of sending Ben back to bed– I was yelling at my beautiful, wonderful five-year-old. Sniffle, sniffle. I hate yelling at him. But, in my defense, I was very sweet and tender the first several times of putting him to bed, it was just the 800 or so times that followed that finally did me in!
Beautiful post.
I love, love, love alone time, probably too much (hence the perpetual singleton life). Especially the blissful moments such as the one you describe here where you really feel like you have reconnected with yourself and you are ready to re-enter the land full of other people. I feel that a well-timed solitary walk with the right playlist, great scenery and a bit of contemplation leaves me with the same feeling I get after a deep conversation with a close friend – more connected and loyal to that person and more understanding. It is definitely worth prioriting once in a while.
Is it the NIKE or Propel commercial that inspired you? I’m in dire need of bonus points!!! TEN THOUSAND! Boy what I could do with those! I’ll have to schedule in some alone time to figure out where they would be best spent!
Tiffany, you are a dynomite writer. Loved this post. Just the simplest bit of alone time can totally rejuvinate me. You’re lucky that you can see the stars in your suburb…in mine, the hazy glow of the city lights outshines them.
Heidi–good guess, but I’m sorry that you’re wrong. The commercial was a holiday Target commercial featuring comedian Kathy Griffin and the Target dog.
But don’t worry, you won’t walk away empty-handed. You’ve been awarded three bonus points for good effort. You can redeem them at the counter. I believe you have almost enough points for a little plastic troll pencil topper.
Agreed. If I don’t get alone time, I feel totally useless. I don’t need it all the time, but there are times when Sean comes home and I tell him I feel totally empty. That is when I leave the house for 3 hours or so.