Years ago I read a magazine article about a woman who gave birth on her bathroom floor without any knowledge that she had been pregnant. This story was not featured in Star Magazine or The National Enquirer next to the story about the alien who crawled out of the Pope’s hat. This story was in a real, hard-news, no-nonsense publication. Like People.
Anyway, the lady was short, around 5′2″, with a small frame and a small waist. She had gained a pesky ten pounds that she couldn’t seem to get off, and experienced a lot of what she thought was indigestion. Then boom–one day, right before her son’s tee ball game, she went into the bathroom not feeling well and came out with a baby boy.
I still remember how the article featured a diagram of how she could have held the baby in there without showing or knowing it was there. The little baby figure was nestled in there above her appendix and resting its head on her pancreas. Oh, and if you’re wondering about her periods, she still had them!
Needless to say, that story has haunted me for years. Somewhere in the recesses of my slumbering mind, this became one of my most favorite Unlikely Things to Fear. I am not kidding you when I say that on more than one (or seventy-six) occasions, I have been in the bathroom and the thought has grabbed hold of me. I have wondered, “Am I going to give birth to a secret fetus here? Have I really been pregnant for nine months without knowing?”
I know what you’re thinking and you’re probably right—I need more fiber.
Seriously, though, aren’t we afraid of the strangest things? My list of Unlikely Things to Fear also includes (in no particular order) being eaten by a dog, kidnapped and held hostage by a mountain man, and being buried alive under earthquake rubble. (Good thing I don’t live along a fault-line long overdue for a major quake. Whew!) And let’s not forget this little gem: bird flu.
So, I’m wondering—what unlikely things are you afraid of?
secret and unexpected pregnancy is not really my fear, although I did have nightmares about that for months after I separated from my ex-husband, especially after I learned some women continue to have a period while pregnant!
Other than an unreasonable fear that I will throw my keys off a balcony if they are in my hand or the fear I had when I was young that my flip-flops would fall off on that sky ride thing at Lagoon, I can’t really think of anything other than maybe blind dates.
Hmmm, I have a LOT of Unlikely Things to Fear.
After opening the garage door and loading my kids in the car, if I have to run back into the house, I usually lock the car, just in case someone has been watching and waiting for this opportunity to snatch my kids.
I always keep my house locked up, as Ben says, in case there are bad guys who want to get in.
I worry that money will corrupt myself and my husband.
I worry that I’ve caused Ben to have an anxiety disorder.
I worry that I may unintentionally really mess up my kids.
First, I have to say sorry to you Tiff if I have anything to do with the irrational fear of being kidnapped by a madman in the mountains. I’ll try to get my book finished up right away so the dang kid can finally be safe again. (Or will he? Hehehehehe.)
I used to have a terrible fear of being rear-ended on the freeway.
I get really freaked out if I swim in Lake Powell after dark.
That’s about all I can think of at the moment. Well, except my fear of public restrooms–but truly I don’t consider that an irrational fear.
Dying early….oh wait, that’s not an unlikely fear for me.
Oh, I am the QUEEN of ridiculous fears.
Number one at the top of my list: being attacked by a shark. The fact that I live in Utah, hundreds of miles away from an ocean, doesn’t stop me from completely freaking myself out about this. I dream about it all the time. I cry when I think of sharks. It is silly.
Number two: just getting pregnant in general. I ALWAYS think to myself “What if I’m pregnant?! Oh my gosh!! I might be. Am I ?!?!” And then I remember that I don’t have sex.
Number three: (and no, I’m not kidding with this one) zombie attacks. Yes, I actually have a high level of concern for this one. I’m just waiting for it to happen. I am not necessarily afriad of living dead, but perhaps more afraid of some strange, unknown virus infecting everyone and causing them to attack and eat each other. I think I might be watching too many horror movies.
Only one. That you will get too busy to do your blog. Did you know that laughing contributes to a long and healthy life? I get a laugh a day bcs of you. Except when you write about sad things. But don’t stop. Occasionally, it’s important.
My first one is being shot while driving. I’m always afraid of cars with really dark windows. I think they are going to roll down their window and shoot me because I looked at them weird.
I know I have several, I’ll have to get back to you.
I always get worried while walking past a bush or shrubery of some sort that there will be someone inside waiting to stab me. However, it hasn’t happened yet. Probably the two biggest things that I’m afraid of are 1) screwing up my kids and 2) becoming pregnant again. Even though this is next to impossible, I fear finding myself pregnant when my youngest is 5, 11, or even 15. It happened to my neighbor when her youngest was 15! I think I’d run out into on-coming traffic on the freeway if that happened to me.
I worry that I will out live what money I have generated for retirement and I will have to work as a greeter at Wal-Mart. I also worry, Will I ever be able to sell my business so I can retire or will I just be wheeled off from the shop to the funeral parlor.
i am completely afraid of vans. mini-vans are mostly okay. but ANY van without windows is on the list. and big vans with or without windows freaks me out–they could have blinds or curtains in them. i NEVER park next to them. and when i was little, i remember memorizing the liscense plates of vans–especially in the bank parking lot when i would go with my grandma and wait in the car for my aunt. you just never know.