I officially have the spring cleaning itch. Yesterday I spent the morning cleaning out all parts of my bathroom including cupboards, drawers, master closet and linen closet. The nice towels that don’t get used, only displayed, even got a Tide & Downy makeover.
To aid in the effort of nook-and-cranny cleaning, it was time to replace our nearly ten-year-old Hoover with a vacuum that really truly sucks. We headed to Sears and walked out with a vacuum we “will NEVER need to replace”, according to the friendly staff. Ryan says that’s probably true since he fully expects to die young. I guess it will be up to me to see if they were right.
There was some debate as to which vacuum would come home to our closet. There was talk of bags and bagless, and I found myself unsure where I stood on the issue. It wasn’t until I asked, “Well, what’s so special about the Dyson?” that the lights in the store lowered, the Sears staffers pulled out top hats, clicked their heels together to queue the music, and began a Broadway-worthy song and dance tribute to Dyson vacuums. Right before the finale, Ryan got a call on his cell phone and had to sneak away quietly. I, on the other hand, barely moved anything but my lips which softly whispered, “I’ll take it.”
Ryan joined me at the register several minutes and puzzled looks later. “We’re getting that one?” he asked, “I thought you just wanted something middle-of-the-road.” I was falling in love in a way I might never be able to explain to him. Clearly he had missed the important part of the show in which they prove that using the vacuum on a regular basis has shown to speed metabolism, burn fat, raise IQ, discipline children, and cure cancer.
One of the staffers piped in at this point and said, “You’re going to LOVE this vacuum! It will change your life. Even my husband, who never cleans a thing, loves to vacuum.”
“See?” I said, “Aren’t you ready for a life-changing event?”
“You know what we need to do, people,” he said to all of us, “we need to get these Dysons over to Iraq. Apparently, they are the solution to any and all problems. Even war.”
He laughs now, but deep down he’s nervous. Pervasive use of Dyson vacuums could eventually put him out of business.
while I’ve never seen one in real life, I have drooled over these online and I do get lured in (I almost said sucked but just couldn’t bring myself to type the bad pun) by the commercials despite the fact that I am a proud skeptic of everything, even super suave british accents. I will even confess that I rarely vacuum now that I hire someone to clean my apartment once a month. But when I do I curse the stupid non-sucking piece of junk that has the audacity to call itself a vacuum. Especially when the bagless portion of the machine falls off anytime I come near it or heaven forbid a coat touch it in the closet. The poor stick vacuum that it is, it isn’t even able to stand on its own. Yes, that solves it I too need a Dyson, if for no other reason than to speed up my metabolism (!) while it sits in my closet.
When James and I got married (ten years ago), his mom gave us her old, green, 150lb vacuum, and told us that when we got our own, she would like it back. Well, last month I finally spent a whopping $35 on a new little vacuum which sucks up a surprising amount of gunk, considering it’s price. Amazingly, his mom didn’t want her old vacuum back. … Hmmmm??
You’re still funny. Sleep well tonight. Very funny.
It’s amazing that you could resist the lure of one Richard Oreck, the bald little man who hawks 8-pound vacuums that can suck up a bowling ball. This vacuum has apparently revolutionized the bowling industry, rendering ball returns obsolete.
sweet merciful crap – another dyson owning friend i have to envy…
I want one too! My sister and her husband just bought one and it really sucks! So did you get the one with purple on it? They did, and they got theirs from Target and I loved using it.
Just curious, which fabulous model did you buy?