I’m avoiding something. I don’t want to write my paper. The paper. The only thing standing between me and my much-anticipated degree from the University of Utah. I’ve had all semester. It’s due Wednesday. I hate the paper. I told Ryan that for the first time in my entire education, I’d consider a dishonest approach to completing this. I said I’d give anything to know a geek-for-hire to write the paper for me. Then, I told Ryan I’d give him three hundred dollars to write it.
“What, you think I’m a geek?” he asked.
“Geeks are sexy.” I said.
He refused and said something about how I should do the paper myself because it’s the right thing to do and I might actually learn something. Cha. Whatever.
Not long after this discussion, I saw a large outdoor Christmas tree. It was easily 20 feet tall and fully lit. Not the DNA strand lighting, but lights on every branch into the very center of the tree. Top to bottom and back up to the top again. The thought of lighting it gave me severe heartburn.
“I’d rather write my paper than light that Christmas tree,” I said as we walked by it.
“Good approach.” he said.
So, last night I spent a few hours on the paper researching the topic and gathering my info. This morning, I’m trying to work up the gumption to get started again. I’m trying to think about the Christmas tree, but I guess the memory is fading.
So, I’m asking for your help, readers. Please remind me of all the things (besides death and exterior lighting) that are more miserable than writing a lengthy research paper!
Thanks, in advance.
A non working disposal. Non working brakes. Flat tire in a snow storm on the side of the freeway.
Blow-out diarrhea diapers. Snot encrusted faces and hair. 70 hour work weeks. Goodness! My life stinks right now. Can I trade you for the paper?. . . Just until this passes?
How about everything I need to do this week? Including finishing a motion for summary judgment I have been picking at but mostly ignoring for 3 months; negotiate the $1 million difference between my client’s claim and the amount at which the debtor values the claim when I really don’t understand the whole transaction; do ALL my Christmas shopping; buy, sign and mail approximately 100 Christmas cards; organize my office so I don’t literally get buried in paper before Christmas; other various and too boring to describe legal tasks; and shop for a suitable gift for a bachelorette party – may not sound bad but seriously, I HATE shopping in NYC in December. It can be an absolute nightmare.
Or maybe some of that other stuff above is worse……
Rectal exam
Getting your big toe smashed so hard you lose the nail.
Watching Sportsbeat with Tom Kirkland.
Cleaning a hair-clog from the bathroom sink.
Listening to that “Christmas Shoes” song over and over for three more weeks!
(gotta agree with the blow-out diarrhea diapers) But add to that washing out poopy underwear in frigid toilet water for the fifth time in the same day.
Dealing with Utah drivers in rush hour traffic.
Hope these help.
Having TWO degrees and working at Joe Morley’s….still!! Oh, and driving 45 minutes each way, just to get there and home again. (You’d think I would’ve learned someting in college.)
(Come on, a rectal exam isn’t THAT bad, but “Christmas Shoes” is!)